I haven’t written since April 19th. I’ve had a weird couple of weeks. A lot of feelings and thoughts to process and also I have midterms going on, which have left me no time to write. So i’m going to just delve right into my brain and hope this little writers block goes away.
A couple of weeks back I got the closure I didn’t know I needed from my last relationship. After processing everything I was left with just me. No more anxiety or feeling depressed, but just me, finally moving forward on my own.
I have never been a fan of uncertainty, but I also understand that planning a future is a fool’s errand. I have a general outline of where I’m going, what I’m doing, and what I need to do to get there, but I have to admit, I’m a bit scared. Not knowing what the outcome will be is scary, especially since I had a certain future in mind for a while.
Being on my own has allowed me to truly reflect on a lot of things. I have been actively trying to shift my way of thinking. I want to let go of all the negative and irrational thoughts; a lot of those thoughts were created out of fear, so I need to let go of that too. Overthinking is a huge issue for me, but lately I’ve been getting better at stopping the crazy thoughts in their tracks and just focusing on the present without dwelling in the past or worrying too much about the future. I’m realizing that I need to be a little more selfish. I have been trying to keep my priorities in order and solely focus on things that are going to benefit myself and my future. Being a little selfish is okay as long as it’s not harming someone else.
Anyway…I haven’t gone out and had any new adventures (except for going to an *NSYNC pop-up shop, and let me tell you, 10 year old me was livinnnnnnggg!!!), however I have been doing a lot of introspection and finding new ways of seeing myself as well as the world around me, so that counts as trying something new!
This post was a rambling of the current state of my brain. I promise to be more coherent next time.